To have a birthday when you're not really having one is a surreal thing. To wake to quiet. To have dread instead of excitement. To have memories of birth and death interwoven and flooding. I miss her in every way. I carry my pain in my heart and I carry my loss with me. These days are as hard as they have ever been. It is meant to be about celebrating a birth. About milestones, about reaching another year. That doesn't happen for us.
We will try to fill our day with memories that are lovely. We will try to hear our children laugh and feel uplifted by their happiness. We will remember the moment sweet Belle slipped into a quiet room on a winter's night. The wind had been blowing solid for a week. I mean gale force winds. But the night she came the air was still. She came out eyes open and she watched the world unfold around her. Safe in our arms, she just was here.
The next three years were a joy and she touched every person she met. I got a text this morning from a friend who always remembers how special Belle was/is and it always makes me smile when I think about how she called her princess, and I think she was one. An angel princess born from our love and cherished forever.
Belle loved birthdays and presents. She loved to open everyone else's presents. Here she is opening mine. You can see I didn't mind, not one little bit.
Happy Ninth Birthday Belle xxx
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4 comments:
No words, just love, and a Happy Birthday wish to a darling Princess ♥ xox
I read your blog regularly and mostly don't comment because I simply don't know what to say.
My heart hurts for you with the yearning I hear in your "voice" and how, if you could, just have that one more like your last post asked for, and yet, if you had the opportunity for just "one more"...would you ever be able to let her go again? That's the unfairness of it all.
Belle's picture at the top of your page makes me smile every time I visit. She has the sweetest little face, and I feel so deeply for you and your loss.
Thinking of you all today D... happy birthday to a little girl who has made so much difference xxxxxxxx
My love to you my darling. Aunty Evil said it so well. I don't think I've ever wished for something to change so badly as for when a mother loses her child. For my own mother and for you.
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